It’s totally normal for Intended Parents to feel disconnected from the pregnancy when their gestational carrier is pregnant, especially when their GC isn’t local. Intended Moms don’t feel the baby kicking throughout the day and it’s completely normal for any IP to go long periods of time without thinking about the pregnancy. For some, this can cause some negative feelings including isolation and sadness.
It’s ALSO normal for gestational carriers to feel forgotten (especially when those hormones kick in and you haven’t heard from your IPs for a while). This can also cause feelings of isolation and sadness.
Here are a few ways for everyone to feel connected during surrogacy:
- Long distance touch bracelets.
Bracelets for 2 or 3 people to wear that can send and receive notifications with the touch of a button. The notifications may include a light, vibration and/or squeeze. Surrogates and IPs can let each other know when they are thinking of each other. Surrogates can also inform IPs when they feel movements. Touch Bracelet Brand Comparison - Pregnancy apps
Surrogate and IPs can all have the same app that follows the development of the baby/babies. IPs can check this as often as they’d like. GCs can send screen shots to IPs that don’t have the app to keep them updated on baby’s development. These apps also include helpful tips and articles like when and what to pack in your hospital bag, how to deal with morning sickness, etc. Most apps are free. Popular apps include The Bump and What to Expect. - BellyBuds by Wavhello
Headphones but for a baby bump! IPs can record themselves reading children’s books, singing songs or just talking to baby later in the pregnancy. The GC pops the little “buds” on her belly with reusable sticky pads that are connected to her phone, with the use of the Wavhello app. Find them on Amazon. - Texts and Calls
Get to know each other, offer support,
Gifts
Most gestational carriers are compensated so while gifts aren’t necessary, and some IPs literally cannot afford gifts on top of all of the other expenses, they can help strengthen a connection during, before and/or after pregnancy. Gifts, of course, can range from small to extravagant but even a $10 bag of epsom salt sent next-day via Amazon when she mentions that her feet are wrecked mean THE WORLD.
Gift Ideas for Surrogates:
~ Bedrest gift basket – UberEats gift card, magazine, book, healthy snacks, fuzzy socks, eye mask, robe, etc.
~ Epsom salt and a foot soaking tub
~ Flowers
~ Pregnancy pillow (if she doesn’t have one)
~ A homemade freezer meal dropped off for after delivery – If local
~ Her fav restaurant gift card or a gift card for UberEats or Grubhub
~ Matching PuraVida bracelets for everyone to wear during the pregnancy
~ Massage gift certificate *Ask Ob’s permission first
~ Pedicure gift certificate *Ask Ob’s permission first
~ Edible Arrangements
~ Cards! A simple hand-written card, from the heart.
~ Jewelry – Find out if she likes jewelry and what her style is before buying. Tiffany’s is a classic and tends to appeal to many women and they offer gifts at varying prices.
Gift Ideas for IPs:
~ Watercolor painting of their embryo(s)
~ Celebratory gift basket after heartbeat confirmation – lux bath products, champagne, a nice hand-written card, matching PuraVida bracelets, confetti poppers, etc.
~ Baby clothes, booties, books, etc (Typically best to wait until after 12 weeks, near the end of the pregnancy or after delivery, depending on the person/couple)
~ Flowers
~ Weekly bump photos – Better yet! Turn them into a book for the family after the baby is born
~ Sentimental items from your babies like a rattle or favorite toy from your child (when appropriate and clean, you know)
~ Your top 1, 2 or 3 baby items that you KNOW your IPs will find helpful after baby arrives
~ Hand/Footprint kit
~ Cards!
~ Photo jewelry – TINY photos in jewelry LIKE AN ULTRASOUND PHOTO!!! Like from Wear Felicity and Mint & Lily (which appear to be almost identical?).
~A heartbeat gift: Build a Bear Workshops have devices that you can record personal messages on. You can add them to a stuffed animal there or you can buy the device on its own.
But one of the best gifts is simply your presence! IPs, show up for appointments to support your GC. Either party can schedule a meal to share together, at a restaurant or at one of your homes. Spending quality time just hanging out really is the best thing that you can do, when possible.
*Note: Special acknowledgement on holidays that each party celebrates is a nice touch, too. It can be as simple as a call or text, or even a gift if you find that appropriate. Check in with each other to see what holidays they celebrate so you can share love on those special days.
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